The good news is that you’ve brought laughs to a million people and probably will even bring a few more down at the office this coming week due to today’s column.
The bad news is that this thing has been around for a long time, so you’re bound to be getting pretty old by now, probably pushing 190 or so.
Still, hope you’re well, and I hope that you along with all of the LDN Weekend edition readers will enjoy this look at some good news and bad news.
Oh, did you hear about the lawyer who walked into prison to see his client. He looked at the prisoner all decked out in an orange suit and a scared look, and said, “Albert, I’ve got good news and bad news for you.”
Albert squirmed.
“All right, sir,” he said, “you’d better give me the bad news first.”
“Well,” said the lawyer, “the results of those blood tests came back, and the blood at the crime scene WAS your blood.”
“Aw, that’s really bad news,” said the prisoner, “you better give me the good news.”
“Well,” said the lawyer again, “it looks like your cholesterol went down 20 points.”
Too bad the poor fella won’t live long to enjoy all that good health.
Oh, there’s another story you’ll want to hear. I read this one in a book a long time ago and will tell it as best as I remember it.
These two major league baseball players were talking one day, and they got to wondering if there was baseball in heaven.
“I sure hope there is,” said the pitcher.
“Me, too,” said the third baseman, “and I’ve got an idea. Let’s make a deal. Ever who goes to heaven first, let’s come back and tell the other one if there’s baseball there.”
The pitcher thought that was a great idea, so they agreed.
As bad luck would have it, within the month the third baseman misjudged a hard line drive from a cleanup batter and took it right in the chest. The pitcher was the first one to his friend’s side and tried his best to revive him but just couldn’t.
The best the pitcher could do was dedicate the rest of the season to his friend. So he did that and pitched the best he had ever pitched. About a month after the tragedy, he went to the mound one day and, for the first time, remembered the deal that he and his third-base friend had made.
As he walked out to the mound, he looked up and said,
“All right, Billy, you promised you’d come back and tell me if there was baseball in heaven. I want you to show me a sign tonight so I’ll know.”
No sooner had those words come out of his mouth that he felt a light all around him, and he heard Billy’s voice:
“Speedy,” the voice said, “this is Billy.”
“Aw, Billy, “said Speedy, “it’s good to hear from you. You’ve got to tell me. Is there baseball up there? And, if so, are you still playing third?”
“Well,” said Billy, “I have good news and bad news. The good news is that, yes, there IS baseball up here, and I’ve been playing the best third base of my life!”
“That IS good news!” said the pitcher, “what’s the bad news?
“The bad news,” said Billy, “is that you’re scheduled to pitch tomorrow night!”
Readers may contact Steven Bowen at steven.bowen@redoakisd.org.
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