I’m not a catalog kind of guy. I’ve seldom gotten them and never ordered from them. But for some reason, I’ve been inundated with catalogs for the past month. At last count, the mailman - yes, he’s a man - has delivered more than 40 to my house.

I don’t know what I bought online in the past year, but whatever it was has triggered a flood of the slick catalogs. They seem to arrive almost daily.

They hawk Celtic items, books and holiday gifts. They’ve come from National Public Radio and the Public Service - worthy organizations, of course, but I’m not ready to buy from their catalogs. There seems to be no end to what folks want to sell you.

These catalogs may get a cursory glance before heading to the recycling bin, but one caught my eye - from Hammacher Schlemmer. It advertises itself as “Offering the Best, the Only and the Unexpected for 161 years.”

The “best” and “only” parts are subject to debate, but it certainly lives up to the “unexpected.”

There are items that come straight out of a James Bond movie. For example, there’s the video camera pen. Clipped to your jacket pocket, “its built-in color camera is located just above the pocket clip and its microphone is located on the side of the barrel under the pocket clip, yet both are inconspicuous enough to avoid detection.” A well-dressed spy could add the video recording sunglasses. Agent 007 would be proud.

Here’s another type of glasses - those that let you find golf balls. “The lenses contain a pigment that helps block out light reflected by darker background object, so that lighter-colored golf balls are easy to find.”

What about the playing card shooter? It deals cards to players up to 3 feet away without flipped cards. And a retiree’s day clock, which has hands to mark the hour and minute, along with a hand to tell what day it is.

And what Christmas would be complete without getting your favorite youngster a two-thirds-scale, gasoline-powered replica of a 1956 Corvette C1? The replica can go up to 35 mph with a 6.9-horsepower, four-stroke engine. A bargain at $32,000.

Then there’s the indoor dog restroom, a mat and tray system that gives pups a place to relieve themselves when they can’t get outside for respite. “The mat sits on top of a plastic insert which allows liquids to drain into the tray for easy cleanup,” the catalog reads. But get this - “The tray can hold up to two gallons of liquid.” Two gallons?!? That’s not meant for a dog; it’s better suited for a horse.

Speaking of dogs, we also found the ultrasonic barking dog deterrent, which comes disguised as a birdhouse. “When a dog barks within range of the birdhouse, it emits a harmless ultrasonic tone, inaudible to humans, that startles the animal into silence.” If that’s not enough, there’s the canine genealogy kit, where Fido can trace his lineage.

Here’s one straight out of a Harry Potter novel - the telekinetic obstacle course, in which you use your focused brain waves to maneuver a ball through the course while wearing “a headband and two earlobe clips which measure theta wave activity produced by your brain.” Strange.

But just when you think it couldn’t get any more strange, page 73 shows the animatronic singing and talking Elvis. Yep, it “sings eight of the King’s most acclaimed songs while his mouth, eyes and head move to the music. The robotic bust is adorned with the King’s trademark leather jacket, sideburns and pompadour.” Now that’s just creepy.

But there’s more. “Integrated infrared sensors in his jacket detect ambient motion, prompting Elvis to say ‘Bring it on back now’ or another famous catch phrase as you walk past. The device has 37 monologues recorded from interviews that play at a touch of a button.” Sort of puts that Big-Mouth Billy Bass singing fish to shame, doesn’t it? But at $129.95, what Elvis fan could resist?

Come to think of it, what sort of person buys this type of stuff? Anyone? I doubt it. I’m not even sure these items are really made, much less for sale. A person would have to be a complete idiot to buy …

Wait a minute, that remote-controlled Da Vinci ornithopter - “the world’s smallest” - on page 35 looks pretty cool. Look, it says the miniature marvel sustains flight by flapping its wings 40 times a second.

“Dear Santa, On page 35 of the latest Hammacher Schlemmer catalog, there’s this …”