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A Facebook friend (with whom I don’t usually agree politically) posted a question related to something the party he doesn’t like was responsible for: “How in the world is this okay?” That question caught my attention, because our society has become so divided that we often give passes to problematic behavior if the transgressor is on “our side,” while swiftly condemning any action taken by the other “tribe.”

It’s troubling that we’re losing our powers of discernment because we feel compelled to support our clan at all costs. Instead, we should cling to the core values that most of us share when it comes to right and wrong and carefully examine our answers to the question, “Is this okay?”

To give some examples, I’ll start with some politically hot-button-issue questions and then provide my personal answer.  Is it okay to demand that citizens turn in all of their firearms? No. Is it okay to make it easy for any adult to buy war-grade weaponry? No. Is it okay to make it easy for any woman at any stage of pregnancy to terminate that pregnancy? No. Is it okay to tell a young woman who might die if her pregnancy isn’t terminated that all abortion is illegal and doctors can’t help her? No. Is it okay to open our borders wide to any and all unvetted comers? No. Is it okay to pick up and deport every non-U.S. citizen no matter their legal status? No. Is it okay to shoot up a Tesla dealership because you don’t like Elon Musk? No. Is it okay to violently storm the U.S. Capitol because you didn’t like the result of an election? No.

If you answered yes to any of those questions, then I would venture to guess that you’re far right or far left on the political spectrum. If, as I hope to believe, most of you share my “no” answers, then we have to admit that gray areas and common ground must be explored by those who make our laws.  Our political parties these days seem completely unable to find commonality or compromise. The unbending fringes of those parties rule the roost right now. Common sense has been replaced by stubbornness.

The question “Is this okay?” should be applied to everything in our lives. Is it okay to claim a co-worker’s idea as your own? No. Is it okay to cheat on your spouse? No. Is it okay to cuss out your child’s teacher? No. Of course, not everyone will agree on what is okay. We’re quite good at deflecting and rationalizing. Maybe turning the language of the Golden Rule into a question is better: Is this how I would want to be treated? Or turning an old adage into a question: Will my own glass house stand up to me throwing this stone?

There are other questions I’ve turned to time and again when I’m feeling reactive. One is courtesy of my late father-in-law, who believed that when our boat gets rocked we should ask, “Is this a catastrophe, or just an inconvenience?” Then there are those four important questions we should ask before passing along news (gossip?) both in person and online: Is it true? Is it fair to all concerned? Does it build good will? Is it helpful to all concerned?

Finally, there’s a question that was popular a while back that deserves remembering: “What Would Jesus Do?” There are too many folks these days who consider themselves good Christians yet are guilty of downright meanness, especially online. Some would rather live by cherry-picked Old Testament laws than embrace the essence of what Jesus commanded: Love your neighbor.

Is it okay to break ranks and reach across the aisle when shared principles and common sense dictate? Yes. Please.