The 12 rules of Carol’s world

Published 8:45 pm Sunday, March 25, 2018

Jason Swindle
Senior partner, criminal defense attorney at Swindle Law Group

A lady named Carol is best described as Debbie Neal who lives in another state.

During our discussions, Carol often begins a sentence with, “In Carol’s world.”  This means that if she was “in charge” the world would only have 12 rules.

Below are The 12 rules of Carol’s world in her own words:

1. There are no addiction genes. It won’t really be fun to get high (from drugs or alcohol) so, all the death, severe pain, most of all crimes, and problems that come with it, would be non-existent.

2. The budget for our jails and prisons would have our current budget for autism related research and services and vice versa.

3. If the prosecution proves beyond a reasonable doubt that you raped or molested a child, engaged in human trafficking or physically, medically, or otherwise abused an elderly person unable to care for themselves, or any other atrocity that Carol deems heinous, you will be eligible for the death penalty. If you are convicted and the jury recommends a death sentence, your appeals process will not take 20 years, only 20 months at the most. If you lose your appeal, the penalty would not be administered by medical personnel in an execution chamber. You would be taken outside into the prison yard and shot.

4. All hearsay and its exceptions are inadmissible in criminal jury trials.

5. Mental health has the same status as a heart attack or other “real health issues.”  Patients are not afraid of disclosing conditions because of the risk of having their constitutional rights taken away, career choices limited or life opportunities disappear.

6. There are fewer children without loving care and guidance at home (refer to #1), so gang activity and other similar crimes are just not as attractive.

7. There is always enough money for critical government funded necessities such as national defense, a “safety net” for temporary assistance and infrastructure because the crime rate is near zero and there are hundreds of thousands of new taxpayers shouldering the heavy burden.

8. National news channels will have to actually report news (reviewed by Carol prior to airing). Political news is limited to 2 minutes  per hour or less.

9. Political advertising on television will not exist.

10. Carol reviews all requests for immigration and deportation.

11. Personal DNA testing is the first scientific discovery made thousands of years ago.  Your racial profile is provided when you are born. It shows the number of common ancestors you have with all living humans and that you are comprised of several races throughout time.

12. Any issue not raised by the above is decided by Carol.

While I don’t agree with my mother on all her 12 rules, particularly number 12, if you take her out of the dictatorship role, many of these ideas are excellent. Unfortunately, some of the best ones are also unenforceable.

My mother enjoys talking about how to make the world a better place even when I disagree with her.