‘Shooting for it’ is the best way to settle this thing

Published 7:37 pm Friday, November 9, 2018

Well, it’s the weekend. Does anybody know who the governor of Georgia is yet?

I am not sure I remember a case where a governor’s term is probably going to be just about over before they figure out who really won the election.

Come January, if they’re still arguing about who the real governor should be, and the current officials cannot figure it out, we may have to dismiss the officials and go to the system we use down at the Y. It’s a system where you call your own fouls. It’s based on the honor system, so there might be a glitch in it — but I think it’s worth a try.

With this new format, there would be no officials and no national newscasts to report what they think about. The boys and the girls will just go out on the court and play the game. When you get fouled, just call it.

Oh, we got into plenty of squabbles at the Y with that system. I’m not saying it was perfect.  Without fail, we wouldn’t be 20 minutes into playing before Carter would come across Kilgore’s arm and almost draw blood. Kilgore would holler, “Foul!”

Carter would put a perplexed look on his face, and say, “Aw man, that was all ball.” And then the rumble would start. Both players would litigate their case to the fullest extent. The squabble would go on for half a minute or so.

Carter would grab the ball, walk up to the top of the key, and let it fly. If it went in, it was a foul. If he missed, it was “all ball.” Among basketball players, we believe in “the ball don’t lie” concept. Players lie. The ball won’t.

Now, I know calling your own fouls may not work as well for our politicians as it did for us at the Y. We can’t very well say, “Okay, it looks like you got the most votes, so let’s get back to the game.” And every time one or the other missed a shot, you can fully expect a politician would call a foul.

But since the current format is having such a hard time settling this Georgia election, this might be the perfect time to put our system to the test.

Here’s what we’ll do. We’ll bring in Mr. Kemp and Ms. Abrams and tell them, “Hey, guys, why don’t ya’ll shoot for it from the top of the key and get this thing over with so we can get back to the game?”

Then we’ll lay out the conditions. Okay, Mr. Kemp, here’s the deal. If you make it, you’re the governor. If you miss, Ms. Abrams gets in. Okay?

If both agree to the terms, we will then add one thing: “And, whatever happens,” we’ll say, “both of you have to promise not to sue the ball, ‘cause the ball don’t lie.”